No, not my mom’s. The base of the kingdom I claimed from a former Queen. Sometimes shit bubbles up from the depths that was left undone. I’ve been off Substack up until last night cause I was working on some other projects but then I had a flood in my house from a busted water pipe. I tried dealing with it myself when it froze but to no avail. I was hoping my approach would solve the issue and not cost me fiat currency (funny how them motherfuckers are figuratively growing on trees now and costs are preposterous, how haven’t the normies figured that out yet, the Fed should be like JFK Assassination basic bitch shit). The hidden tax that is inflation. I dipped in a couple of times to wish Demi at Starfire Codes a Happy Birthday, congratulate Jacqueline from the Post Post Modern on her new podcast and checked out Charlotte Pendragon’s Lone Wolf post, cause I have been that lone wolf for sure picking up in my basement, with some resentment that I’m the one left to pick up the pieces. My sons were here this weekend and helped which was great, needed that.

I had already sent some family memories to my parents that my sons might want when they are older. I didn’t want them here anymore, not even in my basement. I thought I excavated the BASEment of my abode, but apparently not. I live in the Midwest where we had extreme cold (making for cold shoulders) On top of all the work I’ve been doing, throwing stuff out, air vacuum water, I came across more “memories” like toys, chairs with initials and names, started remembering birthdays. Last year, I tried to lobotomize former family memories from my mind like I’m a replicant from Blade Runner. Insert new memories like pretending it was just myself and my sons. I don’t want to remember but for some reason, lately, I am being forced to. I don’t understand the significance of this. I avoided the fuck out of Christmas this year, and it was soooooo peaceful. My ex sent me old pictures of the kids at Christmas like she is trying to reconnect and complementing me. I don’t want to reconnect. I’ve moved on. She has not done what is required of her to reconnect or be forgiven. I believe that forgiveness, like freedom, is earned, not given. People will disagree with me on that, which is fine. In my humble opinion, Rome added that handing out forgiveness like Halloween candy to keep people docile.

I hear people all the time saying, “Oh, it’s a lesson you have to learn from.” Well what if you don’t know what the lesson is, huh? What then? The lesson of working calmly through chaos, yep recognize and passed that one. The water pipe burst as I was thankfully working at home. I jumped but I knew what happened immediately. It was from a faucet. Thankfully, no carpet or furniture damaged. It could have been worse but work will have to be done. I hurried, turned the water off first, and started grabbing towels, buckets, mixing bowls, whatever. All I focused on was the task, not what was happening. I guess meditation, training and cold showers pay off after all. First test of the year. Passed. Would I still remain grateful for what I have and not sulk, become depressed for this traumatic event, not go back to drinking? Passed. Self sufficient, moving through the battles. Minor setback. 2024 outlook hasn’t changed for me one bit.

The aftermath is a different story. The remaining memories will be cast away. Some people want to hold on, not me. Is that a good decision, who knows? It’s my decision, for me. That’s all that really matters. Source sent a test to a unique cell, which repaired damage, passed the test, and has been helping other cells in the human body. This should be all that is asked. The path has been set forth upon, no need to open old wounds.

Is my base still leaking or are forces still trying to pull me back into that frequency? Funny how a home can mirror the chakras.

I stayed away from Substack for a few reasons during this time. It can be time consuming, as we know. Also, I wanted to work on this life episode with my reasoning, no outside influence. There are many insightful writers about life who I have learned from here, a community. Extremely grateful for them and have told them so. This one needed to be worked through alone. Well aware that we go through collective changes and the collective consciousness. I’m down with that, for real. Had to break away though, I’m Aquarius, we do that.

My oldest son was not supposed to come to my house the day this happened. He was staying with his mom but had to grab something. I didn’t want him to see this. His concern touched me. He was concerned for me and that I was dealing with this alone. He has watched his father walk through trial after trial alone. Him and his brother know to remain in this town, in this home, would not be my first choice. However, I remain for them. They need me and I love them. They need a strong male presence in their lives, showing them how to live. I didn’t want them to have to move, but frankly, even if I did, most men won’t win out in the court system, physically moving away from the mother. The sympathy card there is subjective and we all know it. I have walked through fire for them. I need no praise for this, from you or them. I simply am stating this so you know who I am, what makes me tick. One thing I will never do is apologize for who the fuck I am to anyone. I’ve earned every stripe, bruise, wound.

My sons saw me kick alcoholism along with the trials. They told me recently how proud they are of me. I hope that one day when they are men, my actions will inspire greatness from them. The sublimation of ego for the greater good, while walking through dark caves, leading the way and carrying a torch. Protectors, warriors. Youngblood name, honor.

Actions are the lifeblood of a warrior. I looked up to my maternal grandfather. He didn’t teach me anything really. I watched him, observed him. I watched how he carried himself, the way he lived his life, the serene peace in which people greeted him. The admiration and influence you could feel coming from them. He was a simple man but had touched so many people around him.

He went through his trials as well. Lost two sons, one to suicide coming up on ten years in April. My uncle, who I lived with for a semester in 8th grade, killed himself in a home in which another man killed himself years earlier. That home was across the street from the home I grew up in for the first 13 years of my life.

There’s a story on principles that has always stayed with me from my grandfather. He was the head football coach in the 1960s at the High School I eventually went to. Have I heard some stories but one has influenced me throughout my life. One year the team was so great that they travelled to a southern state (I’m from Illinois) to compete against a really great team. The team stopped off to eat at a diner on the road trip. They were told by management that the black kids on the team would need to sit in separate areas from the whites. The black kids were starving and even though this was off to them, they started to accept it cause they wanted to eat. My grandfather, a white man, said this is unacceptable. We are one and we eat together. They left hungry, some of the boys moaned about it but he didn’t care. They had to load everyone back on the bus. Stop off at a gas station/convenience store and get grub that way. Imagine the time consumption this took, the frustration. Didn’t matter though, he had his principles and he lived by them.

Years later, for his 75th birthday, I went to a banquet that was held in his honor. Men my father’s age attended and spoke. These were his former players. They testified to how he helped mold them into who they became. Some of these black men also mentioned the aforementioned story and what it meant to them. The respect they already had for him as teenagers intensified after that diner incident due to the unwavering strength of character he showed.

LIVING by principles is the ONLY THING that matters when it comes to principles. PERIOD, THE END. It doesn’t matter what so called made up “law” exists. What are your principles and are you willing to accept the consequences of acting upon those principles? When SHTF what will you do? Will you fold or go the hard way? The hard way is where souls are won!!

When my ex and I were separated, she threatened me that I could lose the kids if I lose my job. She knew I was putting in a religious/philosophical exemption for the jab at work. She knew that if it didn’t work, I wouldn’t budge and I would lose my job. Thankfully, I got the exemption and kept my job. It was a LONG letter. I started out though saying that I grant them no authority over me and their decision makes no difference whatsoever to me. Just came out telling them what the fuck is what. Then I brought in evidence. Shout out to TLAV for some of that evidence help. But make no mistake, I was willing to take that chance. I was willing to lose everything to gain everything. Principles or as J Coleman says, “code.”

I see that some of you are new subscribers. This might be a weird first post for you. LOL. I’m happy you are here. Welcome. Please check out my former posts to see what content I provide. I usually keep it PG but this is different.

I’ve seen people call me a light worker here at Substack. I appreciate that but honestly, I’m just a man. I’m also imperfect and always trying to better myself and the people around me. If I can help people understand Natural Law, cause and effect, and attain harmony in their lives with self and each other, I’m good. If that makes me a light worker, so be it.

My grandfather lost two sons, one at 2 years of age, the other in his 50s. He lost spiritual limbs but not his heart, for he was married to my grandmother for 72 years before passing.

I’ve been thinking about my kin lately. The ones of us who have made strides in their lives have also come at great cost. That is the price, the burden. But none of them had a shattered heart, what is the cost of that?

A shattered heart is like glass, you think you’ve picked up all the pieces but some are found on a basement floor. The excavation of the heart along with the excavation of the cave is that last frontier. It’s the moan calling from the deep well saying, “I’m still here. Did you forget? Were you so arrogant to think you had escaped?”

My heart is open to the collective, friendships, community, the human family. On a more intimate level, plurality is my reality. Judge that how you like, I am who I am for now (not then). Like Bowie sang, “I can’t give Everything away.” One thing you won’t hear from me is judging the lifestyle of someone else. As long as they aren’t initiating harm, or taking advantage of children, I got no issues. Like I’ve said before, “That’s what you do.” My heart is open to truth and life (ankh); those stand before love. Love flows from them. One must come into awareness of someone or something before love is appropriated to that someone or something.

By the way, not sure why Christians avoid discussing King Solomon’s arrangement. And that brother spit some Proverbs, just saying.

So as you see, I’ve been working through some stuff along with new projects and clean up downstairs (literally and figuratively).

I will be posting a chapter in a novel I’ve been working through in my head on the Starfire Codes contest (deadline in a week). This fictional tale will not be a work of light. It is dark. The concept for this novel came to me two years ago. This will be the first chapter I write, not sure if it would be the first chapter in the possible book. All of us should hold an uncompromising mirror up to ourselves and how we observe others around us, be cognizant of our inner primal desires and how if not controlled they can run rampant over our lives. It also is a look at modern life, marriage, betrayal and the thoughts of a man who has lost himself. Though he has a devilish sense of humor. You might even be scared how much you like him.

I will leave you with thoughts on my recent flood of memories. See you soon.

Flood rains coming down, the build up burst, was wondering when the hearse would show up.

Not for protection or death but to prove it’s lurking around every corner.

Just finished land of Kamit subtlety of mind, tranquility lessons, when it sprung like the Nile.

Perfect timing, rushing, detached, not attached.

Buckets and pails to save as much on the Ark as possible.

Unlike Noah, no sons to help, and no booze at the end.

Crisis over, but cold shoulders, not a rainbow.

Clean up in the BASE ment, a memory of debasement.

Chalk falling reminding of white powder brawling.

A flood of memories a paradise lost.

Time to excavate when one thought this was over and done.

Get a torch to illuminate the shards, one might cut oneself if not careful.

Sympathy from one who lived here, what can she do?

I’m sure everything short of coming to clean up the broken pieces,

Again, ANYTHING but what is required, the cowardly dance around.

Not to mention, the fear you have of making it up to our former bedroom.

Make up or hate fuck?

Like The Smiths rocked, “The Queen is Dead,” and yes “Life is very long when you’re lonely.” I prefer a long life, just peep the abs.

The Nephilim washed away but left their makeup bags, the remnants still here.

A king must pay for the kingdom he gained, won, sacrificed, bled, burned coals for.

What more do you have for me source? I am not wavered, stone, still searching for my philosopher cousin.

Billows from the depths, the bowels, defiance at the winds thrown.

A repaired cell broke from the cell, burned the effigy.

Photographic memory, the gift and grace, in case one needs it in the future, in case it was a mistake to erase.

Only Time will Tell, if I think I’m in heaven but living in hell.

The Nephilim have washed all the way to my fingertips ready to be released on the keys.

I am still the host, ready to exercise them into this Starfire linked post.

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

Carl Jung